A little over a week ago, my wife celebrated her birthday. When I asked her what she wanted and began to discuss how we would celebrate it this year, she interrupted me: "I don’t want any gifts from you or the girls. What I want is a day without any responsibilities." I’ll admit that when she said that, my first thought was, "All right! Now I don’t have to shop for a gift!" But then I thought about what she was really asking of us. "What do you mean," I asked, "by a day without responsibilities?" She answered me: "I want a day when I don’t have to worry about what we’re going to eat, about cleaning up anything around the house, doing the dishes, the laundry, getting the girls anywhere on time … anything like that." After thinking about the implications of all that for about two seconds, I said, "Are you sure you wouldn’t just rather have us get you some nice gifts?"

It wasn’t that she did not deserve a day like that. She did, of course. It’s just that a gift like that really calls for more work and preparation than does going shopping for an hour and picking out a nice gift for someone. However, despite the fact that the day on which her birthday fell didn’t lend itself too well to that type of situation, we did a pretty good job of giving her what she wanted. She even pronounced herself very happy with her gift.

Today is Mothers’ Day and I have no doubt that every one of you ladies here this morning deserves to have a day where you have no responsibilities, or you are treated to a meal out, or better yet, a meal at home that is prepared and cleaned up by someone other than you. That type of thing is an example of a good Mothers’ Day tradition and we have all sorts of traditions that we observe on Mothers’ Day, a day when we take time to honor and thank our mothers for they do for us.

Typically, churches will also focus on Mothers’ Day and often the preacher will offer up traditional Mothers’ Day message during the worship time. Today however, I’m going to shift the focus and spend my time looking beyond motherhood, to parenting in general. And rather than simply talk about mothers, I’m going to talk about both mothers and fathers and how we can be the parents that God wants us be.

The Bible lays a heavy burden on parents. As parents, we’re told to "bring [our children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord," to "train them in the way they should go" in life, to instruct them in God’s way to live, and to do this all while "not provoking" them to anger. This is a challenging task if we give it the attention and effort necessary to do it right. I heard about a man in a supermarket pushing a cart that contained, among other things, a screaming baby. As he went down the aisles, the man was heard to softly repeat: "Keep calm, George. Don’t get excited, George. Don’t cry, George. Don’t yell, George." A lady who was watching him with admiration went up to him and said, "I’ve really got to hand it to you in being so patient in trying to quiet little George, there." He looked at her and said, "Lady, I’m George."

Children can sometimes be exasperating. A woman named Jennifer Daugherty related this story in Readers’ Digest a few years ago:

Did you notice verse 7? "Impress [these things] on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." These words beg the question: "How can we expect to teach our children about God if we don’t spend any time with them?"

You may be thinking to yourself, "Now, wait just a minute. These are my children you’re talking about. We live in the same house. I drive them to school, to their activities. We sit at the same table several times a week for a meal. So how can I help but have a relationship with them?" That’s a fair question, but the truth is that a parent can do most of the things that parents typically do and still not have a good, healthy relationship with a child.

Some years ago, my mentor told me that there are many things in this world that really need to be "caught, rather than taught." That applies to what we’re talking about here. There are many things that your child needs to learn from you that he or she won’t be taught in school, things that don’t lend themselves to a 20-minute lesson, things they have to just "catch" from you as their parent. It is very easy for parents - especially fathers - to rationalize failure in this area and to say, "Well, I work 50 hours a week for my family. I do the yard work and try to carry my weight around the house. Plus, I help my children when they ask me. How can I help but have a relationship with my children?"

Unfortunately, children can have everything that parents can possibly provide for them - all the toys, electronic gadgets, computers, even active lives full of opportunities to grow in areas of sports, music, dance, you-name-it - and still be missing the simple gift of time with their parents. Although they often act like it is a burden to spend time with us, deep down, they crave good, stable, healthy, loving relationships with their parents. And this is especially true of fathers & sons and mothers & daughters. A good relationship with the parent of the same gender is essential for developing a child’s understanding of what it really means to be a man or woman, husband or wife, father or mother.

When it comes to developing relationships with people, there is simply no substitute for spending time together. We’d like to rush these things, but something happens when people are close that just doesn’t happen when time is not taken to be together. Several times in the Gospels, we see Jesus very busy, with a lot of work to do, and yet He says to the disciples, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." Let’s get away from the crowd and spend some time together.

Author Jerry Jenkins writes:

I learned the idea of Quality Time was an evil lie. Some experts pushed the idea that successful overachievers, those we call Yuppies today, could have children and be guilt-free about the little time they were able to devote to them. The remedy was Quality Time. Sort of like one-minute parenting. It went like this: Be sure to make what little time you are able to spend with your child Quality Time. What garbage. I’ve seen the results of kids who were given only Quality Time. The problem is that kids don’t know the difference. What they need is time—all they can get. Quantity time is quality time, whether you’re discussing the meaning of the cosmos or just climbing on Dad.

Psalm 34:11says, "Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord." Teaching and listening imply a relationship and relationships take time. If we’re going to be the parents that God wants us to be, we need to be sure that we spend time with our children.

In a message on this passage, author Bob Hostetler says this:

I must confess to you that I was rather perturbed when my children learned to read, because it meant that they could compare the speed on my speedometer to the speed limit signs by the side of the road! I tried to confuse them, I tried to distract them, I tried to shield their view with my body, but they seemed to take a perverse pleasure in catching me going 70 in a 55 mph zone! And, you know what? I began to justify what I was doing.

"Well, Aaron," I’d say, "Daddy’s in a little hurry, so he has to go a little fast right now." "Well, Aubrey," I’d explain, "the people who put those signs up understand that people are going to go a little fast, so they purposely make the speed limit lower than it has to be." And the whole time, while I was trying to tell my kids to obey rules and to respect authority, I was teaching them the exact opposite by my example. I was teaching them to break rules, and to flout authority.

Even though we remember that "do as I say, not as I do" didn’t satisfy us when our parents used it, we still try to use it with our children.

Children need to know that Mom and Dad don’t think of themselves as perfect. They need to see us repent and ask forgiveness when we’ve been wrong. When we mess up, they need to see us own up to it, apologize, and say, "I was wrong. I want to make it right and I’m going to work hard to not do it again." Our imperfection won’t scar them for life, but if we refuse to acknowledge this fact and do the right thing when we stumble into sin, that will send them a potentially deadly message: that pride trumps repentance and if you’re the dad, you don’t have to admit it when you're wrong.

Children need to see relationships with people outside the family modeled for them in how Mom and Dad interact with their extended family, community, coworkers and neighbors. This commandment in Deuteronomy calls for posting God’s Word on the doorposts of your home. It may be meant to be taken figuratively, or in a more literal sense, as many Jews have taken it. But it is clearly a reference to showing others what rules govern our lives and what we believe to be the most important things in life.

Everyone here has probably had a "bad neighbor" at one time or another. How do you react to your bad neighbor’s garbage being strewn all over in front of their house, or their dog that roams free and uses your lawn as his toilet? You can do what you would like to do (and maybe what your neighbor deserves, on some level) or you can go the extra mile, give lots of grace and complain to the authorities only as a last resort. But if we yell at our bad neighbors, or return their inconsiderateness in kind, what will it tell our children about us? After seeing our example, will they understand and practice Jesus' words: "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you …."?

Children need to see us work at getting along with our difficult relatives, bad neighbors, pain-in-the-neck co-workers and bosses who don’t appreciate us. I can’t recall too many conversations I had with my father about dealing with people, but I can tell you all sorts of stories that showed me what he believed about doing business with people and living in the same small town with them. Example is everything in many types of situations, like business … and marriage.

Children need to see the husband/wife relationship modeled for them. They need see that it is the primary relationship in the home. Many couples appear to get along fine, but one or both of them are neglected by their spouse because the children seem to rule roost. Mom and Dad may be talking and the child interrupts them. They don’t say, "Sweetie, I’m talking to Mommy right now. Please wait a minute." No, they forget their spouse and see to the child’s "need." This sends the message that the spouse isn’t as important as the child. Of course, children are important, but they really need to understand that to a married person, there is no other person on earth who is more important to them than their spouse. If they see this reflected in Mommy and Daddy’s relationship, they will understand that even though their parents don’t always get along and sometimes have disagreements, they will always work it out, because that relationship is of primary importance to them. Not only does this give the child a much-needed sense of security, but it sets the stage for them to be good mates for someone when they grow up.

I could go on about the ways in which we need to set good examples for our children, but we must also realize that not everything can be "caught" from parents in a good relationship with children. Not everything can be modeled. This brings us to the third point:

A woman named Crystal Lessard tells this story:

It was time to tell my ten-year-old son the facts of life, so I took books out of the library and prepared myself for any questions he might ask. At the end of our lengthy chat, he looked confused. "If you have any questions," I said, "please ask them. There are no silly questions."

"Well, suppose I was married," he said with some embarrassment, "my wife was pregnant and I had to rush her to the hospital. Okay?"

I nodded supportively. He asked, "Can I go through red lights?"(2)

There is such a thing as being too subtle, to smooth, and "cool" when trying to communicate important things to children. We need to make sure that they hear the most important things very clearly. Notice verse 7 again: "Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Another translation, instead of "impress," has "teach them diligently." Oftentimes, there simply is no substitute for saying to your child, "This is what the Bible says. This is what God teaches about this issue. This is the standard of this family. And this is your standard while living in our house."

Of course, if we parents are going to teach our children well, we need to know the Truth ourselves. We need to live it for them to see, and we need to have close relationships with our children so that they’ll be interested in learning from us, but we also need simply to know what God’s Word says. That doesn’t happen by accident and it means that some of us have some work to do.

I recently found a story that I can’t verify. It was un-attributed and the fellow I got it from said he couldn’t track down the author, but it has the ring of truth to it, so I’m going to share it with you:

I remember stealing 6 softballs when I was working as a stock boy in a five-and-dime store in my early years in high school. And I remember trying to find a place to hide them when I got home. I don’t know what in the world I planned to do with six softballs. To this day it just baffles me, the logic of it. But I stuck them in the back of my drawer and my mother found them. My father came to me and told me that we were going to make a trip back to the store where I was going to talk to the owner and I was going to confess.

I will never forget his instruction on the way. I mean, I was sitting there just dying thinking about standing in front of my employer. Well, I stood there and told him what I had done. My dad was waiting in the car. He didn’t go in with me. And I heard my boss say, "You’re fired."

I stumbled back out to the car and sat down. I was as low as I could remember ever being. On the way, I remember my dad beginning to rebuild my emotions. I had done wrong, and I had learned an incredible lesson. He didn’t overdo it, but he drilled into me that when you steal, you get fired. And if you don’t get fired at the moment, you lose something that can’t be bought with any price, and that’s your self–respect. I remember, too, we got on the subject of what in the world I was gonna do with six softballs.

There was an ornament of grace that came around my neck from my father who before we went in the house took the time to put his arms around me and to pray with me and to understand that this teenage kid was most concerned about my father’s not telling my friends. And as far as I know, he took that story to his grave and never told on me.

Parenting is full of interesting stories like that, isn’t it? Being responsible before God as the primary influence on another human being is a scary thing when you really think about it. When I pray for my daughters, I always pray for myself, too. I pray that I might be good a example for them of a husband, father, preacher, and friend. I pray that they might learn the right things from me, even from how I deal with my mistakes and sins. I pray that God will give me the wisdom to know how to handle all things that come up in the course of any given day. I pray that God will make me into the kind of parent He wants me to be.