Will we ultimately lose marriage in our culture? If we continue to drift away from God’s truths revealed in the Bible it is a very real possibility. But even if marriage is abandoned by the society, Christians must not abandon it. We must be strong and resolute, first in keeping our own minds clear about what God’s standards are so our own marriages will hold together and second, holding forth openly to those who are caught up in the gathering darkness around us.

The institution of marriage is under attack as most of your know. Divorce is rampant. "Living together" or "shacking up" is fairly common. Forces within our culture are working to change the very meaning of the word "marriage," to include so-called "same sex marriage." As a result of these things, families are fractured and destroyed. Children are raised without the involved parents God intended. And ultimately, I believe, if marriage falls, it will be a final blow to our free society.

My message today is called Reasserting the Foundations of Marriage. By "foundations" I mean those basic truths about marriage which define it and give it purpose. In times past perhaps, it might have been said that the things I’m going to mention in this lesson were so well known that pointing them out would be unnecessary and redundant. Not so any more. Many have forgotten the fundamentals of marriage. "What fundamentals?" you ask. The first would be that marriage is:(17)

By "divine" we mean that it originated from God. It is His idea – His invention – His institution. This is a critical point to understand. If we lose it, ultimately we lose marriage.

Some say that marriage is simply the product of a long line of evolutionary development. Certain creatures found it beneficial to form lengthy paired relationships for survival, rearing young, and division of labor. Now, they say, since people in modern society can get along quite well alone, have machines to do the work of humans, have the government or professional nannies to raise the children, and adequate financial means to take care of the basic requirements, there is no more need for marriage. It should be redesigned or perhaps even scrapped altogether, they say.

If marriage originated with man and it is simply a human idea, then perhaps they are right. Better ideas replace obsolete ones all the time. If marriage is simply human and humans think they have something better, then maybe we should go for it.

However, according to the Bible, marriage did not originate with humans. It is God’s idea - His invention – His institution. From the very beginning God set out and defined marriage. "For this cause," we read in the Bible’s most seminal statement on marriage in Genesis 2:24, "a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh."

Jesus reiterated and clarified this teaching to the Pharisees when He walked the earth. They were trying to change and reshape marriage with easy divorce. In Matthew 19:4-6 the Lord said to them: "Have you not read, that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh’? Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." (1)

A married couple is not joined simply by man. A married couple is joined by God. Man does not have the right to break this union unless he does it for a cause which God allows. Marriage is a divine institution. Marriage is also:

The Bible is very clear that marriage is supposed to be the union of one man and one woman. Looking again to Genesis just as Jesus did, we read, "For this cause a man [singular] shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife [singular]."

Polygamy originated after the fall of man. Like divorce, it did not originate with God.(2) It came from man. It was never part God’s original design seen in Genesis. In the Bible it was Lamach, the descendant of the murderer Cain, seven generations after Adam, who first married more than one woman.(3)

In Paul’s instructions to husbands and wives in Ephesians 5:22-33, after telling wives to submit to their husbands and husbands to love their wives, He said this in verse 32: "This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church." The earthly husband/wife relationship typifies the relationship between Christ and His church.

Question: In the Biblical figure of Christ as the husband and the church as His wife, how many wives does He have? We aren’t left to wonder. Ephesians 1:22-23 says, "And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church [singular], which is His body [singular] …." Three chapters later, in Ephesians 4:4 Paul wrote: "There is one body and one Spirit…." So in the figure of speech that compares the church to the bride of Christ, there is only one wife.

But wasn’t polygamy practiced in times before the New Testament? Yes it was, but not because of a command or teaching of God or any prophet of God. Close students of the Bible know that certain things have been allowed in previous times that God forbade under later covenants. For instance, Abraham married his half-sister. However, later, under the Law of Moses, such inter-family marriages were forbidden.(4) Jesus told the Pharisees in Matthew 19:8 that Moses allowed men to divorce their wives under the Old Covenant, even though God had not intended such from the beginning. The reason given for this allowance was their hardness of heart.(5) Presumably, like the issue of divorce, polygamy was tolerated but not because it was God’s intent that men have more than one wife. "Therefore having overlooked the times of ignorance," Paul says in Acts 17:30, "God is now declaring to men that all everywhere should repent." During the first century when many were converted out of Judaism – some of whom probably had more than one wife - Paul insisted that under the New Covenant, an elder must be one who is the "husband of one wife."(6) In time this monogamy would become the norm in the church.

Marriage is divine. It is to be monogamous. Thirdly, it is:

If you are new to the faith you might not have enough perspective to remember that it hasn’t been very long since people would have looked at a preacher who made such an obvious point with a very puzzled expression. That’s because over the last thirty years homosexuality has moved out of the "closet" and into the public square. Calls for homosexual "marriage" and "civil unions" are commonplace today. Laws are pending on appeal even in the state of Oregon to approve such things – forced by the current liberal legislature in spite of overwhelming defeat by the electorate only a few years ago.

In the Bible, with no doubt whatsoever, homosexuality is firmly condemned. Male with male and female with female sexual relationships are, in the words of Paul in Romans 1:24-32, dishonoring,(7) degrading,(8) unnatural,(9) indecent,(10) deserving of penalty,(11) and like every other sin, worthy of death.(12) 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 makes it very clear that practicing homosexuals,(13) along with others involved in the practice of forbidden things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Many reasonable thinkers are predicting that if homosexual "marriage" is allowed to stand as legal in our state and nation, it will open the floodgates to countless other deviant sexual practices vying for recognition, none of which I wish to mention here. Marriage as we know it will be meaningless outside of Christian circles. I sincerely hope they’re wrong.

We’re talking about foundational standards for marriage. Marriage is divine. It is to be monogamous. It is heterosexual. Fourthly, it is:

The apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:1-2: "Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband."

Paul explained later in this same chapter what he meant in that first verse when he wrote, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman." He meant that it was good for a man to remain single, just as he was(14) so that he could more fully devote himself to serving the Lord.(15) However, since most people do not do well in a celibate condition, "because of immoralities" he said in verses 1 and 2, "let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband." The implication there is that sexual relations outside of marriage are immoral.

In like manner, Hebrews 13:4 shows us that all sex outside of marriage constitutes either fornication or adultery. That verse says, "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge." Fornication defiles marriage in advance. Adultery defiles marriage after it has been entered into.

A very common view among non-Christians today is the idea of "living together," that is, living in a sexual relationship without marriage – "shacking up" as it is often called. In fact, according to the 2005 U.S. Census, 4.85 million couples in this country were "living together" without marriage. Yet it matters not whether the number is that or double or triple that amount, according to the Bible, fornication is sin and those who practice it will be judged and condemned by God.

The same condemnation comes for the sin of adultery, which is sexual relations either outside one’s own marriage or outside the marriage of another. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 which we read earlier teaches that adulterers, just like homosexuals and others who break God’s laws, will not enter the kingdom of Heaven. If you find yourself in either of these sins, your only recourse if you wish to escape the penalty of hell is to repent and turn to God though Christ so that you might be forgiven.

Marriage is divine. It is to be monogamous. It is heterosexual. It is the only outlet for sexual fulfillment. Fifthly, marriage is:

I put this point in because often men misunderstand some of God’s commands regarding the place and treatment of their wives.

The New Testament teaches plainly in Ephesians 5:22-24 that "the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church" and that "as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be to their husbands in everything."

Upon reading this passage, some men get the mistaken idea that their wives exist solely for their own selfish gratification and pleasure and have no protections, rights, or opportunities whatsoever. After all, they reason, the passage says that wives ought to be subject to their husbands in everything. "Everything" certainly means "everything," does it not? If the husband wishes to abuse his wife, it is his prerogative. If he wishes her to lick his boots or bow down before him, it is God’s will that she do so.

But does "everything" always mean "everything" or do contextual assumptions come into play? Suppose I say, "Before you leave here today, I want you to pick up everything." So, you go though the building and pick up papers, stray bulletins, song books and anything else out of place and put them in their proper spots. You go home and just as you are sitting down to eat your dinner, the phone rings. I’m on the other end of the line and I say, "You didn’t pick up everything before you left. Come back over here and pick up everything. As I was driving home I saw trash all along the road through town. In fact, I drove past my house and all the way to Lebanon. There was trash on the road there, too, so I kept going and found out that there was still trash on the road in Albany, too. In fact, I suspect I could drive all the way to the coast and I’d find the same thing, just as I would all over the world. I want you to pick up everything."

You would say, "Dave, you’re nuts!" And I would agree. When I said, "Pick up everything, the assumed context between us was that I meant everything in the room or everything in our common environment. In this illustration, "everything" didn’t mean "everything in the world." It meant, "everything in the room." I didn’t have to specify that because common assumption defined my use of the word.

Does "everything" in the Ephesians 5 passage mean "everything" in the sense of "anything a husband might desire, even if it is selfish or evil or wrong or causes a wife to violate her conscience before God?" Or does it mean "everything that is right and good," or "everything mutually beneficial to the marriage" or perhaps more pertinent to the context, "everything except those things that would be tempered or excluded by the instructions that follow this verse that tell the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church?" Would Christ tell the church to do evil?

Do I mean that the Bible doesn’t mean what it says? Not at all. What I’m saying is that before a husband camps on that word "everything" he’d better spend some time learning what the rest of this passage means when it says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Jesus did not pursue His own will while He was on the earth setting up the church. After telling the Philippians to "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit…," in Philippians 2, Paul told them to have the same attitude as Christ did, who "did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bondservant…."

"But I’m the head!" you say. "I’m the boss."

That you are! But you answer to God for how you carry out you’re your headship. Yours is a serving headship, just like Jesus. It’s a selfless headship, just like Jesus. It’s a loving headship, just like Jesus. And just in case you get hung up on that loving headship part, spend a little time learning what love is by reading Paul’s inspired definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: "Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." And after about six months to a year of working on those things (because you won’t become a loving husband overnight, trust me on that) come back and see me again and I’ll give you some more things that you need to do if you are going to treat your wife as a "fellow heir to the grace of life" like Peter said in 1 Peter 3. As a "fellow heir to the grace of life" your wife is a Christian, just like you are, with all the benefits and privileges and protections that entails. Therefore you must treat her like a Christian, giving her the same courtesies and considerations and forbearance that the bible teaches you to do to the rest of your brothers and sisters.

"But wait," you say. "Doesn’t the Bible say that ‘the wife does not have authority over here own body but the husband does’?" Indeed it does. But right after that it says, "likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does." I suppose I could say to my wife, "Come over here and lick my boots." But before she got there to carry out my command she could say, "Sure. But first you go over and stick your head in a bucket and keep it there for a week."

Of course I’m being ridiculous here to make a point. People who respect God’s word do not degrade one another like that. The passage in 1 Corinthians 7 about authority of one over the other’s body is in the context of withholding sexual relations. It isn’t talking about total control of the other person. Such would be a violation of love as defined in 1 Corinthians 13 with such phrases as, "love does not seek its own."

My point in all this is that marriage is supposed to be mutually beneficial. Let me give you a concise statement of that from the New Testament. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:33-34 in the context of marriage, "…the one who is married [referring to the husband] is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife," and "…the one who is married [referring to the wife] is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband."

Do you hear the mutual benefit there? Do you hear the working of each partner serving the pleasure of the other? Marriage is not a one way street.

Writing again on the subject of headship, Paul penned these words in 1 Corinthians 11:9: "…For indeed man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake."

"Ah," you say. "See there. She was created for my benefit."

Yeah, OK, so you say. But keep on reading in verse 11-12: "However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God." I like the way the Living Bible renders that: "But remember that in God's plan men and women need each other."

That’s a clear statement of mutual dependency and benefit. Yes the husband is the head. Make no mistake about it. But his headship is not a selfish or a one way thing. It’s not all for him and none for her. "In the Lord," as Paul says here, he needs her as much as she needs him and they must strive to fill the needs of each other. Each is mutually important and is to be treated as such by the other.

Marriage is divine. It is to be monogamous. It is heterosexual. It is the only outlet for sexual fulfillment. It is mutually beneficial. Finally, and this is all we have time for today – marriage is:

Romans 7:2 says, "For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband."

1 Corinthians 7:39 says, "A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord."

And "what’s good for the goose is also good for the gander," as they say.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 says, "But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband [that’s leave by divorce in the context – D.R.] … and that the husband should not send his wife away [again, by divorce in the context – D.R.].

Recall that Jesus Himself said in Matthew 19:6: "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

The only Biblical exceptions to this lifelong arrangement are death of a spouse, adultery or desertion of a believer by divorce instituted by an unbeliever.(16)

I’ve spoken in more detail on these issues at other times and I haven’t time to elaborate on them here. Suffice it to say that this "lifelong" aspect of marriage has been lost by many today. They enter into marriage (if at all) with the idea that if it doesn’t work out, they’ll just divorce. That is not a Christian view! It isn’t that simple. One doesn’t divorce, except for the exceptions mentioned, and marry another without consequences before God.

Will we ultimately lose marriage in our culture? If we continue to drift away from God’s truths revealed in the Bible it is a very real possibility. But even if marriage is abandoned by the society, Christians must not abandon it. We must be strong and resolute, first in keeping our own minds clear about what God’s standards are so our own marriages will hold together and second, holding forth openly to those who are caught up in the gathering darkness around us.

My plea to you is to recommit yourself to God’s standards for marriage, no matter what the world around us does. If you haven’t done so in the past and you haven’t repented, do so now and recommit yourself to God’s ways.

Footnotes: Please use your back button to return to your place.

1. See also Mark 10:7-9
2. The first mention of divorce in the Bible is in a context where it is already being practiced by man. Jesus makes it clear in His teaching that "from the beginning it has not been this way." (Matthew 19:8) God did not set up divorce. Neither did He set up polygamy.
3. Genesis 4:19
4. Leviticus 18:6ff
5. Matthew 19:8
6. 1 Timothy 3:2; Titus 1:6
7. Verse 24
8. Verse 26
9. Verse 26
10. Verse 27
11. Verse 27
12. Verse 32
13. I say "practicing homosexuals" because that is the terminology used by Paul in Romans 1:32 after speaking of many sins including homosexuality (see v. 24-27).
14. 1 Corinthians 7:8
15. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35
16. 1 Corinthians 7:17
17. Thanks to Wayne Jackson for five of the six main headings for this sermon.

Dave Redick is Minister of the Hwy 20 Church of Christ in Sweet Home, Oregon and Editor of The Preacher's Study. He may be reached at pstudysupport@comcast.net.

Copyright © 1996-2008 by The Preacher's Study. Permission is granted to subscribers to use this document in total or in sermon preparation in the context of the local congregation only. Publishing it in a book, on the Internet, or anyplace beyond the local congregation is prohibited.

All Scripture quotations and references are from the New American Standard Version unless otherwise stated.

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