Don't Just Apologize!
"I apologize for my thoughtlessness," he said. "It's OK," I responded. But it wasn't OK. I knew it down inside. Three weeks later I was still stewing over what I was having to pay as a result of his careless actions. What was wrong? Why was it still eating at me? Why couldn't I just forget it?
Does an apology really put things to rest when a wrong is done? I don't believe so. An apology asks for nothing. Webster gives three definitions for "apology." The first is "an expression of regret for having committed an error or rudeness." The third definition, interestingly, is "an inferior substitute; makeshift." That sounds like a strange definition until you realize that an apology is indeed an inferior substitute for a fundamental Biblical principle: Asking Forgiveness.
When I say to you, "I'm sorry," I express regret, but I ask for nothing from you. When I say, "I'm sorry, will you forgive me?" I'm asking for something. I'm asking you to release me from the blame.
In Jeremiah 31:34, God says, "I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more." The Hebrew word translated remember is ZAKAR. Strong's definition for ZAKAR is "to mark (so as to be recognized), i.e., to remember; by implication, to mention." This is how God forgives us. He isn't speaking of a lapse of memory here. He is all knowing. Rather, He is promising that He will not mention our sins anymore. He won't bring them up against us. This is what practical forgiveness is. When I forgive another, I promise never to mention the wrong again. Said another way, I promise not to bring up the issue of blame.
When I apologize, I express my regret for a wrong done, but I ask for nothing. Thus, an apology is an "inferior substitute" for seeking forgiveness. When I ask, "Will you forgive me?" I am asking you to promise never to bring up or mention the issue again, to me (accusation), to another (gossip), or to yourself (brooding). If you keep your promise, the memory of the wrong will grow dim with time. I'll have a chance to earn your trust again. Hard feelings will ultimately die. Our relationship can continue. Don't stop with an apology. Ask forgiveness!
Dave Redick